A Freeing Feeling

Cason struggled with his naps early this week.  He typically goes down around 9:00 ... simply because that's when I decided his naps would be ... all based on the "average" baby's schedule that I've read about online and in books.  After two days of not taking his naps like I thought he should and me getting teary out of frustration, I reached out to a friend so that I could vent and talk it through.  I am so thankful for the conversations that we've shared.  It was a reminder that all babies are different.  Even though this is something I've always known and is something I've told the parents in my classes (every kiddo is different and their reading skills progress at different rates), I've struggled to accept that Cason isn't that baby that will take multiple long naps each day.  He is happy with 1 or 2 30-45 minute naps. As I've started accepting this, the stress that I've felt is starting to melt away.

The past few days have also helped me to see something else that has probably been causing me anxiety about nap time and schedules.  Over the past 5 years, I have followed a strict daily schedule at work. Everyday began at the same time, the kids came into my classroom at the same time each day, I taught the same subject at the same time each day, ate lunch within the same 1 hour window each day, etc... For 5 years my days have had the most predictable schedule.  Until now, I didn't know just how much I depended on that schedule.  I didn't realize what a comfort it was for me.  Now that I am staying at home with Cason, a predictable schedule has been pulled right out from under me and I'm left to figure things out on my own.  For several days in a row he'll go down for a nap so easy around the same time.  The next day he'll resist that nap and when that happens I don't get to do what I was planning to do when he napped.  So that phone call I was hoping to make or that shower I was hoping to take ALONE ... not happening.  I'm slowly learning to be more flexible.  After teaching first grade, I considered myself to be a flexible person and I suppose I am.  There were countless times each week that I would have to change things up and stop what I was doing to put out fires.  But now I'm learning to be even more flexible and am learning to just go with the flow.  I had been living in the fear of creating bad habit with Cason.  I don't want to be a push over parent, spoil him, or get him into a habit that will be hard for him and I to break.  So I thought that meant following a schedule and sticking to it.  I'm learning that following a schedule with set times is not what he needs.  A daily routine that I am able to change up day to day is what he needs.  I'm thankful to be figuring this out and am praying that God will continue to help me be patient and to go with the flow.